Hey Hey! So since so the beginning of 2017 I’ve had
some pretty interesting things happen to me. When I say I’ve been getting hit
left and right with something literally EVERY SINGLE WEEK, I’m not
exaggerating. I wish I was but unfortunately I’m not. In the mist of all the
chaos and the emotional turmoil I have been self-reflecting and evaluating
everything that is going on around me. I think when you have something
bothering you, it is really hard to self-reflect and evaluate your situations.
I’m personally struggling with it. I’m not one to be super open or expressive
when I’m going through something because I just don’t like to burden people
with my problems. I know when my best friends read this they are going to cuss
me out for that last sentence. They hate when I do that. I don’t know, I just
feel like I need to suck it up and keep it pushing because I have so many
obligations with work and school that sometimes I don’t even feel like I have
time to be upset. Then sometimes I just feel like people don’t really care so
what’s the point? With that being said, I really don’t give myself the
attention that I should. I avoid talking about things so I won’t get emotional
about them because by nature, I am very emotional and passionate person so if I
dive into something, it’s with full force. SO, to avoid the water works and the
constant reminders by people asking, I just won’t talk, about anything, to
anybody.
See this is my pattern, when I am angry, sad, whatever; I retreat to my shell because that’s where I feel the most safe. That’s where I feel best. By myself, in my shell where I can trust and feel protected by everyone there and by everyone I mean me. When I am going through something I retreat back into my shell until I feel like its safe to come out. The problem with my little pattern that I did not know until now is that I am never going to feel safe enough to come out if I don’t come out from time to time to peep the scene, ya know, check to see if the coast is clear. The only person there is me so I only have my upset self there to tell me anything and more times than none that is not good as I tend to be my biggest critic. I can hear my bestie JaVe now, “Kourtney I’m not about to sit here and let you say that! Why are you so hard on yourself?” She’s never here for my shit and I appreciate her so much. I am very intuitive and I know myself so well I get on my own damn nerves. I also enjoy “me time” so that doesn’t help this pattern very much because I’ll spend my Friday nights with food and Netflix and be perfectly content. I say all this to say, I’m working against my normal emotional patterns. They have proved to not work in my best interest and I’m tired. Everyone thinks that changing your behavior can change your circumstances or a situation and maybe for some that does prove to be true however, for me, I have to believe it and feel it in my mind and my heart to truly feel better and be at peace.
I get so wrapped up in what I am upset about that I lose my focus. I forget about the bigger picture. One thing that continues to get me through is my relationship with the Most High. Through all the turmoil, all the tears, all the setbacks, I make sure to provide thanks every day for allowing me to see another day and just my gratitude for allowing me to even have my faith to rely on. I have so much to be thankful for, things unseen and seen, that my God has done in my life. My God continues to remind me in many ways that He will fight for me, all I have to do is be still. Man that’s harder than it sounds but I’m taking everything one day at a time even though I am beyond busy and could sure use a tropical beach vacation. (LOL) Until I can get to the beach I’ll be doing my usual pampering at the spa and checking in with myself to make sure I’m good. Thanks for reading and I hope if you’re going through a rough patch in any area of your life, you know that you’re not alone. We’re all assigned certain mountains to show others it can be moved. Keep Going! Thanks for reading!!
See this is my pattern, when I am angry, sad, whatever; I retreat to my shell because that’s where I feel the most safe. That’s where I feel best. By myself, in my shell where I can trust and feel protected by everyone there and by everyone I mean me. When I am going through something I retreat back into my shell until I feel like its safe to come out. The problem with my little pattern that I did not know until now is that I am never going to feel safe enough to come out if I don’t come out from time to time to peep the scene, ya know, check to see if the coast is clear. The only person there is me so I only have my upset self there to tell me anything and more times than none that is not good as I tend to be my biggest critic. I can hear my bestie JaVe now, “Kourtney I’m not about to sit here and let you say that! Why are you so hard on yourself?” She’s never here for my shit and I appreciate her so much. I am very intuitive and I know myself so well I get on my own damn nerves. I also enjoy “me time” so that doesn’t help this pattern very much because I’ll spend my Friday nights with food and Netflix and be perfectly content. I say all this to say, I’m working against my normal emotional patterns. They have proved to not work in my best interest and I’m tired. Everyone thinks that changing your behavior can change your circumstances or a situation and maybe for some that does prove to be true however, for me, I have to believe it and feel it in my mind and my heart to truly feel better and be at peace.
I get so wrapped up in what I am upset about that I lose my focus. I forget about the bigger picture. One thing that continues to get me through is my relationship with the Most High. Through all the turmoil, all the tears, all the setbacks, I make sure to provide thanks every day for allowing me to see another day and just my gratitude for allowing me to even have my faith to rely on. I have so much to be thankful for, things unseen and seen, that my God has done in my life. My God continues to remind me in many ways that He will fight for me, all I have to do is be still. Man that’s harder than it sounds but I’m taking everything one day at a time even though I am beyond busy and could sure use a tropical beach vacation. (LOL) Until I can get to the beach I’ll be doing my usual pampering at the spa and checking in with myself to make sure I’m good. Thanks for reading and I hope if you’re going through a rough patch in any area of your life, you know that you’re not alone. We’re all assigned certain mountains to show others it can be moved. Keep Going! Thanks for reading!!
Peace & Good
Vibes,
Harmonious Kourt
