Hey Hey! I’m back and I wanted to get a little something off my chest. It’s been magnified in my life numerous times over the last few months and I just feel compelled to share. Can I spill out my soul? Can I spit out my stress? If you got the reference let me know in the comments. (Haha)
Anyway, I wanted to write about the power of just knowing. Have you ever felt that? Those thoughts and emotions that no matter what anyone says or what it may look like, you JUST KNOW. I’ve had so many things occur where I had to accept that I am not in control. That is the hardest thing ever! In the past I’ve been forced to be uncomfortable. If you go back a few months you’ll see I have a post on it. I’ve also been forced to keep moving forward in the presence of adversities. I have a post about that as well. Currently I am forced to learn to be still. Life has a lot of lessons don’t it?!
Now anyone who knows me knows that I pride myself on nurturing and maintaining a close bond with the Most High, so I’m familiar with the idea of being still. I know what the good word says, HOWEVER to know it and to experience it are clearly two different things. The word says, “Be still, and know that I am God”. Reading this and having no other choice but to do this has rocked my world. I’m devoted to my relationship with the Most High as I stated before but being forced to accept being still put me on a rollercoaster I didn’t even want to be on. I’ve had moments of sadness, frustration, depression, anxiety, and rage. Some good days and some bad days. There have been times I've cried so much I felt like I was crazy. Asking myself, “why is this happening to me?” Thinking to myself, “what have I done to be punished?” Questioning so many things! Beating myself up about what should of would have or could have. It’s been tough y’all! It’s been really really tough.
I struggled with if I would allow myself to be vulnerable enough to share this on my blog but I had to. I’ve had a very hard time trying to think of what I could post about. I think that was my issue. I needed to just be real. So here it is! I’ve been forced to be still and it’s been hard as shit. But in the mist of it all there’s been this little voice in my head that just knows that things will work out. In the mist of my tears I just feel this favor. I really don’t know how else to explain it and I can’t even properly describe it or find the words, but I just know. When I try to give it reason my spirit is driven to “Be Still and know that I am your God”. I prayed and meditated. Then I prayed more and I meditated again, and in the mist of it I stopped asking and begging and tried to pray with expectancy. I started thanking the Most High for things that haven’t even happened yet. That probably sounds bat shit crazy to some of you but I started to feel like my thoughts and feelings of sadness, depression, frustration and rage were so pessimistic. I was acting like I already know what the outcome of everything will be. I had to remind myself that I am not that powerful and if I put that type of energy in the universe, then that is what I am going to get back. Annnnnnnd absolutely tf not! I am not having that shit! No ma’am no sir!
Mind you, I’m still in the mist of all the madness as I write this. Don’t get it twisted. Nothing has stopped but I’m making an effort to be still because I honestly just know that things will work out. I don’t know how and I don’t even care. I just know.
So I know we all have our own connections to the divine and I’m going to share what being still is for me. I see it in two different ways that I had to accept. 1.) To surrender and 2.) To welcome peace. How often do we ask God for everything, but we don’t stop to listen or to be still? The act of being still and getting quiet becomes more of a challenge in this crazy hectic world. The world asks us to be busy. The Most High asks us to be still so that we can receive love, peace and guidance. Along with busyness comes the fearful and anxious thoughts we hold onto. We have to consciously tell our anxious and fearful thoughts to shut tf up. Seriously. By doing so we can begin to create and welcome peace. I needed to be able to understand that I am not in control. No matter what is going on in my life I need to be able to cultivate the habit of assessing what I can and cannot control, be able to sit with that and act accordingly. When I look back on everything that I’ve been through one thing stands out to me and that’s that I am beyond blessed. I can genuinely say that even in the mist of let downs, failures, disappointments and losses God has consistently slid through with a major upgrade. That is truly why I just know! Even though a lot of the time I may not have realized it until later, I am now aware that nothing is happening to me but really happening for me. Everything is for my good and this I just know. Thanks so much for reading!
Peace & Good Vibes
Harmonious Kourt
